Quote from Afribirther on November 17, 2023, 4:58 am

Screen name: thejourney200
I apologize our birth story is coming late. Decided to take time off work and computer both personal and work, so I had no opportunity to type.

Pre/Early Pregnancy
We had agreed while dating that we wanted a child because for me, I felt I would prefer a solution where a child grows up with all attention dotted on the child. I had some experiences growing up where I felt compared to my siblings, I did not get enough attention as I would need and wouldn't want my child to feel the same way. I agreed with my wife that as things unfold, I might consider a second child since she would have loved to have three children.

At the beginning of 2022, we had attempted in March but alas, it just wasn't time thus, we dropped the idea for the time been. Also, our toddler was still breastfeeding which I believe was also responsible for why she didn't take in. At the latter part of the year, we had a discussion around it and I told her we can try again at the next cycle. What that meant was that intimacy around that period had prayers surrounding it because I am a very firm believer that you can tell God what you want and also, more of a routine during ovulation than fun.

Unlike the attempt at the earlier part of the year, I decided this time that we do some form of semen retention and wait till around ovulation and we get a go at it daily. For me, it was a situation of if it did not happen, I was okay with one and that means when next she brings up my consideration talk, I will let her know I have yielded twice. The week after ovulation, she was sometimes feeling weak however, since she had an exam that was very important, she had to try to be stronger. We also had a toddler who needed our attention coupled with the fact that we had only one car then and I had to drop them off individually and pick them in the evening which was also stressful. Day 27 and 28 of her cycle was full of anticipation on my end as it meant so much to me since I am the only one working for now and the need to start making every necessary plan. I went out on the evening of day 29 since her period is usually 28 days and occasionally 29 days. I went to get pregnancy test strips just to know how to include that in the budget going forward.

She woke me up early on day 30 to show me that the strips showed positive and that was the beginning of another 9 months journey. We reminded ourselves the things we cannot eat and had to start looking for O&G clinic within our insurance network.

First trimester for her was not bad except for the evening weakness, occasional headaches, and metallic taste she sometimes had. This time around, guess from the birth of our first child her uterus was large enough since she did not experience the pain we had during the pregnancy of our first child. As usual, we agreed we were not informing anyone and would manage ourselves together. During this period, she passed all necessary board exams to be licensed in our state of residence.

Mid Pregnancy
Second trimester was quite okay except for the incessant headaches. We complained and were told that she should reduce her intake of sugary food and also placed on Aspirin 81mg to help increase blood circulation to the placenta and baby. She had gotten a job offer and needed to take another exam however, she wasn't selected in the H1-B lottery which meant we needed to start thinking of the next way forward. We decided going back to school was our best bet. Some people suggested Nursing which she was disposed to at first (I wasn't) and later felt she isn't interested in the course. She eventually found the program she wanted and it is in a neighboring state and we had to start making plans on how we are going to survive all that alongside, how to get student loan etc. The period was stressful but it was much better. She reduced her volunteering hours and now closed earlier to pick up our toddler from the day care. It reduced the stress of driving a bit on my side but na my pocket hear am since they were always using Uber/Lyft. Admission came and visa was the next threat since her OBGYN said she couldn't fly after 30weeks. Some times at that point I blamed myself to have agreed to having a second child but God helped us and we were able to get the required status from within the country against all odds (her school advised her to defer that it wasn't going to be approved).

Late Pregnancy
Third trimester was a little better as the headaches were not as consistent. Our concerns centered on funds for school and how they were going to cope. This time around, her bump came out much earlier and I went only to appointments where scans were conducted (three of them which were weeks 13, 20 and 31). Unlike the first child, this hospital conducted 3 scans. Compared to the first child though, I wasn't so impressed by the sessions as they were usually handled more by either a nurse practitioner or a Physician Assistant. Unlike the first, the baby wasn't so active. It could be because of the gender or maybe because the mother is now more active during the day as well.

Having the first child through C-Section almost 3 years ago, we opted for another C-Section from conception. My plan was that we should have the baby at about 38 weeks and 4 days but the doctor said our state law compels them to wait till the 39th week before an elective C-Section could be carried out. We selected a date but the doctor told us he prefers his C-Sections on Fridays and gave us August 25th for the surgery.

Her program will not allow us take time out despite classes starting on August 16th. They suggested we withdraw and resume back in Fall 2024 which makes no sense whatsoever as international students. We agreed to relocate, paid extra (accommodation, feeding, my flight back to base and back to join them before delivery etc.) as we had to make emergency arrangement. Luckily, my mom is around so there's someone helping with her and our son. She also encouraged us and assured us all will be well.

Labor and Delivery
We visited two hospitals in the city where her school is to ask how to register for childbirth. We were told at the first one that we need to schedule an appointment with an OBGYN clinic and they will be the one to refer us to the facility to book. Getting to the second one, we were told to go to the OB triage to make inquiries. We were told the same thing however, there was a doctor from one of the OBGYN at the front desk at the time and the nurses asked if she could see us. She gave us an appointment where she also approved the same facility and date that our previous OBGYN gave us. Sincerely, she was such a nice person before and on the day of delivery.

We got to the OB triage as at 5:45am (we were 15minutes late). This time they asked those silly questions on how safe she felt returning home in my presence unlike the first where I was asked to wait outside. She was asked to change into the hospital gown and different nurses came introducing themselves and the roles they will be playing. It started from our intake nurse, the nurse preparing us for surgery, the nursery nurse, and the post operation nurse. They also asked what plans we had for the placenta which we asked what our options were. We were told we could allow the hospital dispose it as a bio-hazard waste, we could get a pharmaceutical company pick it up and encapsulate them for the mother to drink, or we could take it home with us. We went with the first option of it been disposed as a bio-hazard waste. At about 6:15am the Anesthesia Doctor came and told us of the procedure for anesthestics. She informed us she will be back by 7am and it was going to be spinal, and also there were going to be extra two at the end of surgery around the incision points that will last about 24hours. This time, the anesthetics were not given in my presence as they decided to do it in the theatre. I was asked to wait outside while every necessary preparation was done and given my scrubs to wear, net for my hair and shoes, and a face mask.

I was called in when they were about starting the procedure and was told I could stand up to watch. I was given a chair to seat should I feel nauseated from watching the surgery. I did enjoy watching every step of the procedure through and it kind of rekindled my interest in medicine (I am thinking I might go back to medical school in the next 5years once I am sure we are properly settled as a family). Once the baby was brought out and the placenta cord clamped and cut, I was told to follow the nursery nurse who placed her under the lamp to clean her up. She clamped another part of the placenta and asked me to cut the cord as they would for a virginal delivery. I was glad at that since I wasn't given such option with my first.

The baby was weighed, her length was measured, and so were the circumference of her chest and head. She was swaddled and I was asked to go give her to the mother and they collected my phone to take pictures of the three of us. They took a picture of me cutting the cord as well. I returned the baby back to the nurse and was focusing on the suturing of the mother. I was then asked if I want to follow the baby to the nursery since her temperature was low 35.9C which I accepted. The nursery was a NICU center and there were some babies who were pre-term and were been monitored with machines. I sat there while my baby was undressed and placed under the lamp to provide heat to the baby. An ointment was applied over her eyes and I was there for about an hour when her temperature grew up to 37.1C. We were then led to the post operation recovery room to meet the mother. After a while, the post operation nurse measured the urine from the catheter bag and was like it is up to 1000mm so we can be moved to our room. She and a nurse aid wheeled the bed while I wheeled my daughter. She handed us over to a nurse in our room who introduced us to herself and two other people. One was an administrator whose duty was to oversee our administrative needs and the other was a physician care assistant whose duty was to take care of the mother while her own duty as our nurse is to take care of the baby and the mother if the PCA needed her to.

Upon checking the baby's temperature, she said it had dropped and I had to go with her again to the NICU to place the baby under the lamp. Once she was back at 37.1C, we went back to join the mother.

I went home to pick my mom and son and brought them to see the baby. I then called my wife's parents who were shocked when I told them we had a baby. We told them we decided to keep it to ourselves to avoid stressing anyone over our condition. Sincerely, it was a good decision because now they are stressing over how we are coping with school, baby, relocation etc. which I think only adds more to our own stress.

We were discharged two days after and everyone is trying to do their best to ensure we are not stressed. My wife decided to resume classes back the following day so all I had to do last week was drive her to school for each lecture and pick her up after class. I also decided to help cook enough soups and stew so that she and my mom doesn't have to stress themselves cooking. From today, she will have to use Uber/Lyft to go for lectures while I come home every Friday night and leave Monday morning.

Good side is that we all are coping although my son still acts indifferent however, I guess he isn't too happy sleeping with my mom unlike before now where he sleeps with us.

Fourth trimester is going on well. Baby is latching well and feeding both directly from breast and feeding bottle (expressed milk). My wife experienced some form of engorgement last week which was quite discomforting however, my mom helped out with some hot towel treatment and sheer butter cream and she is much better now. We also bought more breast milk bags which is making it easier to express way more and store in the freezer.

The baby sleeps very well and when I complain, they tell me she should be awake for just about 3hours daily. I sometimes shake the baby to be sure all is well. I also observed that since the pediatrician check where we were told that the baby should start tummy time, she feels more comfortable sleeping on her stomach than her back.

It was overall an awesome experience. I pray God provide for our needs as parents and watch over our children; may the pregnant ones carry to term and deliver safely; and may God in His mercy visit those looking up to him for their children and grant them the grace they need to wait knowing and trusting that He is faithful and the rewarder of those who diligently seek him in Jesus Name.